They say to not go where it might be present

There’s this funny thing we have with relationships; our relationships are not limited to humans. We can (and do) have relationships with just about anything. We personify things we interact with because that’s what we are, a person, so we project it. Think, when people name their vehicle.

A major issue I failed to understand and resolve, even after years of not using my drug-of-choice, was the relationship I had with it. I failed to recognize the energetic connections and emotional nature of being human, how I interacted with it, what it provided, and that the drug was the best Lover I ever had.

It was a relationship! Just like with a woman or a man.  That bottle was my “ride or die”. It was there for me, no matter what. I could always rely on it to make me feel better after a hard day. It relaxed every fiber in my body like a good foot rub. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, it was there. Couldn’t sleep, it was there. Anxious, it was there. Pain, it was there. Inferiority complex, it was there to boast confidence. When life got rough, it was there. It was always down to party. I brought it with me everywhere: weddings, concerts, movies, ate dinner with it, spent tons of money on it, and I wouldn’t have sex without it. Always dependable–when it was there. But now it’s gone.

No matter how much I loved it, the relationship got so toxic and abusive I knew I needed to leave. I needed to break up. It is now my Ex.

I needed to keep this in mind in early recovery.  How long is early recovery? How long does it take to get over an Ex who you were madly in love with for years and years? It never judged me. It made me feel better than anyone else in my life. Every week, every day this relationship ran strong. How long do you think it would take to get over a relationship like that?

Early recovery is the first 1 – 3 years.

But guess what happens in early recovery. I got invited to things. I got invited to parties and events in the real world. Did I know I might see my Ex there?

Even though my Ex is this crazy-ass-toxic-hot-mess, I still kind of wanted to see her. I still kind of missed her, in early recovery. As much as I hated this Ex, I still loved her.

It didn’t matter how tough I was or how much I said, “I don’t love ‘dem hoes,” this one had me hooked.

When I went to places where I knew I would see my Ex, like a wedding reception with an open bar, class reunion at a sports bar, a club, or poker night, I saw all those people getting-off on my Ex-Lover. Having a good ol’ time, passing her around, hands all over her, putting their lips on her, laughing with her, dancing with her, some of them taking her home.  A bunch of people in the room were indulging in my Ex, and she was satisfying all of them.  It is, at the very least, subconsciously the same as watching someone you are in love with getting gangbanged.

I couldn’t join in, because I was sober. All I could do was sit there and watch and pretend I was having a good time.  I couldn’t even tell them to stop. All I could do was leave, go home and think about it, while knowing that she was only a phone call or a couple blocks drive away, and that she would be more than willing to come “pleasure” me too.

So, what is the best way to get over an Ex? When do you no longer care who they’re banging, and how much of a toxic slut they really are?

You find a new Love. Right? Everyone knows the best way to get over an Ex is to replace that relationship with a new one, a better one.

And I tried to replace this relationship with things like other drugs, medications, work, exercise, getting a degree, whatever I thought would distract my attention, keep me from thinking about, and missing my Ex.

Some replacements were healthier than others. However, what I found out was that my replacements weren’t as good as my Ex, they didn’t quite do the Trick.

Joining a gym didn’t do everything my drug did. Going to meetings didn’t replace it either. Things like meetings and phone calls are an hour a day, at best. My drug was always there.

I would throw every healthy thing I could think of into my routine, and the best I got was six pack abs, a pat on the back, and then burn-out, and wanted my Ex back anyway.

I would tell myself shit like, “But this time it’s different, I’m a better person, I’ve changed, I’ve got my shit together now, I’m a new man. And if I couldn’t get her back, I would settle for one of her sisters: Lust, Vanity, Pride, Greed, Wrath . . .

WHAT I FOUND WAS THAT, no worldly relationship was a better replacement for my Ex because my Ex wasn’t even gone. It just adapted, took different roles, changed her look, changed her name. My relationship had little to do with alcohol (a bad solution, to a much bigger problem). I know this because when I removed that substance from my life, I then struggled with porn, over-eating, anger, Pride, vanity.  But they were all the same thing, Sin.

So, what’s the best way to get over an Ex? The best way to get over an Ex is to find another love, a better one. A Better Love (click this link).