Part 3
The method I use the most starts with Stopping. I used to, and most do, avoid this strategy because the circus in our mind will tell us that if we stop participating in all ideas and prophecies and memory, and imagination, that they will attack harder. Which is false when we realize almost all of it is not real.
I won’t get into detail about how I access my holy space, the sacred place of silence in my mind; where I step out of the tornado of thoughts, memory, predictions, ideas, planning, worry, doubt, and into the sacred place of silence. You will find this on your own and in your own way. But I can tell you that this holy perception is where truth lives, and the keys to the door are Stopping, Breathing, Silence, and Observation without participation—sometimes called Zooming out. And it’s a practice, which means the more we do it the better we get at it.
Honesty is the foundation for which a sober, joyous, and free life is built on. It does not matter how much knowledge we have (although it helps greatly), how much we desire sobriety, or how hard we tackle a program if we do not fully understand and practice Honesty in EVERYTHING we do, rigorously; because without it we could win a million dollars, have a bedside counselor, a whole foods chef, and a Ferrari in the garage: we will still use again because lying is the disease.
But there is no code for that in the DSM 11 (the diagnostic manual for mental health). It is not recognized by the medical industry as anything other than a symptom when, in my “unprofessional” opinion, our drug-use was the symptom of this disease rooted in the lack of honesty: much like symptoms arising when we lack oxygen or any other essential nutrient, for the individual and the collective.
One of the biggest reasons we lie is to mask our shame.
Yes, we were aware of our foolish behavior; but that does not mean we knew how to do it any differently. It does not mean we were taught how to be honest: because think about all the lies we had to tell ourselves to do that foolish thing or live in that style. We knew better but didn’t do better, but how were we supposed to know how to do better when we were hardwired to learn from so many people doing it wrong. But everyone is doing the best they can, given their current level of understanding.
Like I said, if you know what I know about how we are built and developed, and the attacks we’ve endured from almost every angle in our life, you should feel almost no shame about anything leading up to this point, at all. None. In fact, if you knew what I know about what we have really survived (not just the addiction, but everything surrounding it), you would know that you are a total beast for even still breathing. By all odds many of us shouldn’t even be here. You are way stronger than you think, right now. Not, you used to be or will be—right now. But most tend to wait until they have proof. The early recovery train-of-thought says shit like, “a continuous year of sobriety proves I am strong, but if I slip I am weak.” A year into the future doesn’t even exist. You are strong today.
Because, from where I sit now, I am thoroughly convinced that us addicts were not the weak ones. I believe we are the next step in evolution. I believe we used drugs to survive the lies of the world and how it affected us. The pressure we endured to fit the status quo and survive the blows this world hit us with (biologically, psychologically, socially, and spiritually) forced our hand to find a release valve. Simple as that. Many remain stuck in that pressure cooker. But if we survive addiction long enough, we can learn how to exit the madness and grow into something the world needs very much. A sovereign soul,
The result of honesty, for me:
I have been wealthy and I have been homeless, a few times.
My life does not look good on paper at all. My family and I live with my mother in law in her house (and she is not easy to live with), I have a criminal record, I don’t have a ton of money, no prestigious career, no big degrees, no big channel or following, no super-hot trophy wife (she’s beautiful inside and out, but not someone who’s going to incite an erection by walking past her), I am no super model myself, we have 2 minivans both older than 15 years, I have no designer wardrobe. I am not that guy everyone wants to be.
How much shame should I participate in with just that description alone?
However:
Everyone helps each other in our home in some fashion. The house is big, the yard is big and in a great neighborhood. And the money we save by living with my wife’s mom allows us to (just barely) afford a very very good school for our two children, the best environment possible. They are both very healthy, very smart, very kind, and filled with more joy on the daily than I can handle. You know that annoying early bird that’s already had their morning cup before everyone wakes up and is all energetic and ready for the day? I am that guy and my kids still got me beat on the irrational joy scale. And no, the mother-in-law does not watch our kids, we don’t have it that good.
Side note: I have a 6-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl. My wife and I chose to invest in our children during their formative years. We could have saved all that money and got our own house, or their college, or the stock market. But we didn’t for very specific reasons and very few understood why. A hint is, you know how talk therapist (and them) like to go back to what happened in childhood…
I did plenty of college myself, skipping around from major to major, never dedicated myself and stayed with much, save for knowledge, but not degrees or career. But not following that path, and gaining that title or position, I avoided getting put in a box and got to learn more outside of those fields than I ever would have in, and I get to pass that on.
My 2 vans that are all dinged-up work great, run great, safe, highly functional for our lifestyle, and we own them out right, no payments, because I bought them from my garage-mechanic uncle for 5 stacks a piece.
My criminal record forced me to leave the 9-5 types of jobs, employment, which had never mixed well with my personality type or my sobriety. And this pushed me into creating my own jobs or small businesses, and I’ve now owned my own Handyman business for 5 years and I absolutely love it. It’s a very small business but it is mine, I make my own income. And I have the flexibility and energy left to enjoy my family.
Occasionally, I’ll get low on funds, but I’m never broke. Something always comes through when I need it. Imagine believing that, and it comes true consistently.
I am 47 years old, a little chubby, a little grey, but I am healthy. When we take our kids to places like a trampoline park, I am bouncing around with them and doing backflips and shit, it’s surely a sight to see, some old fuck flipping around. Need something moved, I’ll yeet that shits right up on the truck. I have no physical pain: not my back, my knees, shoulders, nothing.
And my wife, my biggest trophy in life. I didn’t choose her out of preference. My mating preferences are fucked up. But she is a true partner in life, on my team. There is almost nothing worse than battling the world and coming home to an enemy. Our relationship breathes. If one of us is off the other one is on, if one of us has a low fire the other is stoking. We are in sync with the things that matter yet let each do their own. But you don’t get that with a lying nature.
I’ve had enough life experience to know that any success I might attain doesn’t mean shit if say, my little girl gets messed up because I neglected her formative years, or I am sick or constantly in pain.
That’s my definition of success and I love my life, even more than I loved my old life at its most exciting peak. I hope you can redefine yours and it makes you every bit as happy as mine.
root & rise 
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